Tavern
Neighborhood: Brentwood
Finally, a place that’s doing their part to give back to the greater good. It makes you feel like you’re home again…because we all grew up in households that made french fries. It makes me really, really happy when fancier place care about their fries (and doesn’t overdo it). But freal, these were awesome- really simple, but really good: sea salt + fresh rosemary (that they grow there).
Texture: 5
Seasoning: 4.6
Freshness: 4
Crispiness: 5
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Honey’s Kettle Fried Chicken
Neighborhood: Culver City
Hmmm. The random light cajunesque seasoning really makes these. I do like them, but they’re not the best, and they’re consistently not crispy. Ever. Wack city.
Do NOT order them to-go though- they get crazy limp/soggs.
A mini-rant on ordering fries to go; I don’t really know any place with good takeaway fries. Sadly most places don’t think about this- with a foam or plastic to go box, your fries are dead within 1-2 minutes of closure.
Those who throw them in paper bags are the smartest, but oddly, not that many do. There are thousands and thousands of fries that die everyday, and with your help, we can make a change. Please check out www.helpthefries.org for more info.
Let’s see…
Texture: 3
Seasoning: 4.6
Freshness: 2
Crispiness: 0.7
Ample side grease from being relatively close to amazing tempura-esque fried chicken: 5.0
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Umami Burger
Neighborhood: Mid-Wilshire
These reminded me of legos. Legos didn’t taste good, nor were these fries brightly colored with bumps, but they were the most perfectly rectangular fries I’ve ever had. This is neither a good nor a bad thing, it’s just interesting to note. Believe me, a lot of people think this is interesting- I have like 2.5-3 readers now. So, Umami used to do this awesome thing where they’d pile up their steak fries like building blocks- but they no longer do it. They changed the fries/presentation. So shady/damn economy. They sort of make up for it with their BYOB policy. But, they fail on a couple levels;
1st fail: They only offer a house ketchup, with literally a spoon sized portion. Now a LOT of people have been emailing in asking me my take on this- I don’t like it at all. First off, if you’re going to only offer your house ketchup, give us more than a spoonful (you can ask for more but the service is consistently shitty). And second, at least make it good. It tasted fresh, but I wanted my heinz. There’s something about that sugary/fake taste that’s oh so right. I may or may not bring my own heinz with my booze next time.
2nd fail: They literally give you 9 fries.
3rd fail: They literally give you 9 fries. Seriously, fuck you guys. Since they don’t come with the burgers, this is portion you get when you order it as a side. A SIDE. There is no reason for this.
Oh yeah, the fries themselves- always crispy, super simple, nothing special. Well salted. Bastards.
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Hal’s Bar & Grill
Neighborhood: Venice
YYYyeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. French fries, made from real potatoes.
It’s like In N’ Out, but doesn’t taste like potato chips/shit. These were a little limpy, even after asking for them well done, but I can see the potential. Super simple, but the oil they used gave it a great semi-unique flavor. I think that’s when you know a fry is good, when having them limp still tastes great. On Sunday and Monday nights they also have great jazz after 9. French fries + jazz is a commendable combo. Hal’s also offers, for like $2 extra, to add truffle oil to your fries. This in theory is very exciting (to me, and like 3-4 other people tops), but in reality is way too overbearing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about adding fungi from the Langhe area of the Piedmont region in northern Italy that costs $1300-2700/pound (wikipedia ftw) to my fries, but it just doesn’t taste that amazing after 2-3 fries. It’s sort of like Gilbert Godfried, a person who is entertaining for 2 minutes tops.
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